I have to apologize to all of you for allowing so much time to pass by without posting a blog.
The last you would of heard from me would’ve been in the day before my final review meeting at work, which was months ago. It’s been an emotional/strange time since then so please forgive me! You probably wouldnt believe me even if I told you lol.
During the meeting at work, back in March, I handed in my notice as a nurse
It’s been nearly 8 years of constantly pushing my body to be something that I clearly no longer have the physical or cognitive capabilities of doing after my brain injury. I tried my best for so long to squeeze a square peg into a round hole but the suffering I’ve inflicted upon myself trying to fight through my symptoms has finally taken its toll.
But even though my body suffered incredibly, the moments I shared with children and their families will stay with me forever.
I was able to find the real inner light inside me and over time I was able to let it shine out !
I realised the joy that comes from helping to ease the suffering of others and I dedicated the last 11 years of my life satisfying my desire to do it as much as possible.
Helping others is all there is and I was determined not to let a little things like severe brain haemorrhages stop me!
I feel blessed to have met such beautiful and amazing people on my journey..
..but It had it’s downs too. From being falsey accused of sexual assault, being assaulted myself and blackmailed into paying off my accusor of assault with my claim money..
..interviewed in a police station, facing a fitness to practice panel at university, discrimination from most of the arenas of work I attended whilst on placements and being constantly misunderstood in a world that I simply do not feel that I fit in with anymore…
..it’s fair to say that being a nurse with a brain injury wasn’t realistic. But something has happened when writing this blog over the years. From;
Wendy, my godmother who I’ve seenn a handful of time in the past 15 years,
Sarah, my old ward sister who I worked with 8 years ago but barely spoke to at the time about anything other than work,
Nerys, a bank nurse who I worked with maybe 2-3 times 8-9 years ago,
Frans, an old friend from Holland who I’ve seen a handful of times in my lifetime, but who kindly lit a candle for me when I was in my coma,
Bear with me while I make this point lol
..These are a few random names out of hundreds of people who’ve contacted me over the years after reading a blog post which resonated with them and who decided to get in touch with me.
Regardless of what we do for a job or what our likes and dislikes are, communication with the people above and hundreds more like them made me realise that whatever we’re going through in life, we’re all in this together.
Texting and chatting about love island or asking someone ‘how are you babe?’ through text isnt real communication
But when those of you who read my blogs felt the urge to contact me, there was a dissolution of egos on both parts and we communicated on a deep and humanistic level, if only for a few moments.
It became clear in those few moments of communication with you that we are all the same, it’s only our egos that make us think otherwise.
I like to think those egoless moments of communcation with you was true love and ‘godliness’ (for want of abetter word): because we had the freedom to be truthful about who we are and it was agreed that ‘yep, I have this problem too’, if only for a few precious moments.
Over the years you beautiful people helped me realise that we are all a oneness. We are all part of the same energy and I see myself in every single one of you.
This journey became far more important than the end result
Everything you know about ‘Mikey’, or ‘Michael’, is slowly disolving. Sorry I cant be more specific about that. The metaphysician Ananda Coomaraswamy put it this way, “No creature can attain a higher grade of nature without ceasing to exist.”
I’ve realised through years of intense solitude, meditational practice and extreme life events that our energies are all the same and constant, i.e. ‘eternal’. It’s only our ‘personalities’ that make us think we’re different.
‘I’m a Muslim’
‘I like bodybuilding’
‘I enjoy alcohol’
A personality is a mask thats just become stuck to our faces – Sadhguru
These blogs have brought me together with so many of you over the years, if only for a few fleeting moments at a time, which I always cherished and will never forget. I dont think i’ll be comntinuing with anymore blog posts, I think they served a purpose for a time and now I need to move on to the next useful tool I can use.
Your support and compassion over the years is a testament to the human spirit, something that I once lost faith in.
Love and light to you all