This blog is written for cathartic purposes, to discuss my challenges in a (hopefully) light hearted way that may help others in a similar position out there, as I know what it’s like not to have any idea what the hell is happening to me. It is also used to discuss the strategies I have been taught and learned that I use to deal with the severe changes that my personality went through a few years ago, which left me a different man, with many different problems.
Many things certainly have changed, I can be more honest than most about that than most people. Like I can be more of a bastard now, that’s for sure. Especially when I’m angry! And that is quite often. I have more PITA (PAIN IN THE ARSE) traits than a lot of people, but one thing I will say that hasn’t changed is that this picture still depicts the moment captured on the best day of my life.
So a big thing to consider about brain injury, or perhaps the success of your rehab, largely depends on the sort of people you have around you. If they are not willing to change with you and accept some pretty major differences, then they are a lost cause. And a lot of people are a lost cause, and have really not made things easy for me. There are many family members and ex friends who just won’t ever get their heads round things. And that has hurt me so much. But, as my dear old nan says, and my dear old father in law recently corrected my spelling on….
C’EST LA VIE
This picture was taken 6 months after the one you can see of Dani and I on our wedding day above. This was also only a few hours before my accident, the last photo taken of the “old Mikey”, of me being happy. This is the Mikey that a lot people seemed to prefer. I don’t even remember being him anymore, it’s weird. All the pictures on my wedding day are of someone else as far as I’m concerned. And I look about 17 years old (I’m the one on the left BTW.)
I’m finally getting my life back, three years on. I’m so happy to be mixing with people again, being out in the real world and back on the train that will get me to my dream. It’s going in the right direction. I’m so grateful to be where I am you have no idea. For the first time in three years I’m actually making friends again.. feeling slightly normal again dare I say it. Actually, the tutor group I have now are a million times better than the one I had before my accident. And the only other male on the course is in my group… Cue the bromance!
One of the things I have always said to Dani, though all the nonsense that we’ve been through, is that at the end of it all when the dust has settled and the fog has cleared we would be standing together (cue music from Armageddon… blurgh). I’m not saying the fog has cleared totally, or if it ever will, I’m just stating that I’ve got the HEART and SOUL of a LION – and Dani has proved that she has too.
This picture – shows me at deaths door. Sepsis, a severe blow to the head and countless other unfortunate mishaps left me in a sorry state. Dani was waiting to fly back to England with my mum at this point, my dad was taking the picture. I was about to be flew home on an air ambulance, a 17 hour journey that I remember like it was yesterday.
You must remember, that at the beginning of all this – there was Dani. She was conscious when she found me hanging upside down still in my lap belt in the minibus, her and some passers by were kind enough to drag me out. The drivers of the minibus were sat outside having a fag.
Dani was in the ambulances, she was flown home on a separate flight to me and the flight her and my mum took back became bogged down with their tears.
My O2 sat levels were in their 70s, my pulse was racing and I had to be resuscitated and ventilated for two weeks. Dani obviously had to watch all this. She and my parents had to stave off the mafioso who tried to get my fingerprints onto disclaimer documents when I was in my coma.
Living with someone who has a brain injury is something that I could not do.
NO ONE will ever understand what she had to endure but her, but I wanted to dedicate this blog to Dani just because it would be unfair of me to write about all of my daily struggles and recount the tails of woe without recognising the hell she went through.
Only a few months after the picture above was taken, this was one was taken back in England at home in my garden –
Nearly three stone lighter and dazed beyond all recognition, but I still had Dani to my right and a glass of Taittinger champagne to my left. I look at this picture and one day, when this is all finished (my claim) I want to send this picture to the people responsible for my accident and those who tried to bully my family into signing a document written in a foreign language. I would want the words to read the same as when I was making this toast:
“YOU NEED MORE THAN THAT TO GET RID OF ME”
Only this time I’d like to add the word “fuckers” to the end. I couldn’t really say that during the toast as my mum was there.
My mum reads this blog. Gutted. Sorry mum, but like I said in the previous blog, sometimes you just have to adopt the IDGAF attitude.
How else will two people be crazy enough to still be standing through all that?