Who dreams wins.

SO I’m back in the briefing room and preparing for my next challenge. I’ve previously likened my life events to an meticulously planned SAS operation, which involves planning, preparation and more planning.

 

I’m doing everything I can that I think might help. I’m even humping 40kg of weights in my backpack around the park to boost my stamina and endurance! I did this in preparation  for my first ward placement. I may look an ugly sight sweating my tits off and gasping for breath like an asthmatic St Bernard to the old dears walking their dogs in the park but it has to be done.

 

Prior planning and preparation prevents piss poor performance

 

Sometimes being black and white is useful. When a big event comes up where the odds are stacked against me I know what I need to do to prepare and I never deviate from the plan.

Although I have been having some fun on Facebook recently trolling the teenagers and their trout pouting photos. This has brought me joy and is truly procrastination at its finest.

 

I am 100% focused on the objective. Again; adopting the SAS mantra of ‘don’t worry about how hard it will be, Don’t worry about how you’re going to get through it or how you will be feeling in the middle of it health wise. Just crack on and focus on the job at hand’.

 

This is standard operating procedure in my fight against operation brain injury. This mantra can be used in all areas of BI life. For example, being black and white I always tell people that if they have an issue or problem with me or my actions, rather than ignoring me or dropping me subtle hints I would always encourage anyone to simply talk to me and tell me they think I’m being a twat.

 

Alas, this does not happen.

I don’t mind if people don’t like me. Heck fire I’m lucky in that I don’t feel any emotion at all with regards to what other people think, which is a nice way to live. But it does make life a bit tricky for me when people do the opposite to what I suggested above. Fair enough though, we’re all only human.

I don’t think about what I’ve done to upset people, I don’t ponder and wonder and consequently drive myself mad like other people do, I just don’t care. I really have no thought about it whatsoever, it’s so easy to do this being black and white!

Embarrassment

I do not experience this emotion. Whatever I’ve said or done to cause myself ’embarrassment’ is done and cannot be changed, therefore I leave it at that. What’s the point in always worrying or deliberating on what you could have done. I just do not get embarrassed. And understanding other people do get embarrassed I have lots of fun.

Like getting down on one knee and proposing to a girl in  public with lots of people around. Then I run away pretending to cry while they stand there and face the crowds of onlookers.

Meditation is the number one tool for people to use in order to learn to not give a flying elephant about anything trivial. Experiencing your true emotion and acting within your true self is all that matters. Half of us act in emotion, caused by things going on around us.

I cannot believe I’m 20 months into my nurse training. I am so grateful to have got this far; it really is a miracle, especially with all the external influences I’ve had in recent years. I am so excited to become a nurse and I am more focused than I’ve been in my entire life.

Focused on the job at hand. Fuck everything else, it’s not important. 

I’ve broken away from being ‘the patient’ and I’m determined not to ever go back there let me tell you. Instead I want to be the person who cares for ‘the patient’. Always have been. Never bought in to being a victim, I’m just not into it. It doesn’t make me tick, like it does for some people.

Fortitudo

– Courage, strength.

I know I will need to push myself to my limit again come next month. I know that I’ll need to dig a bit deeper and draw on my reserves, and that my health with suffer from it. But I also know that I can hide this form people and fool everyone (including myself) into thinking there is nothing wrong and by doing so, keeping my performance completely unaffected.

If you don’t feel confident or happy, I have a technique that works a treat. I pretend that I am feeling a certain emotion even if I’m not and in time I fool myself into truly believing it and that is what I become.

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I believe anything is possible if it is wanted hard enough. Maybe that’s why I’m not dead or in a wheelchair.

Dedication. Motivation. Never stop.

COURAGE AND STRENGTH 

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