Just a quick one today, typing on my phone. My filter kicked in to tell me I should keep it to myself as to the reasons why I am typing from my phone.
I’m all packed and ready for holiday. A long deserved break from a year that has included some pretty challenging obstacles!
The only thing that’s playing on my mind?
Yesterday my friends and their kids came to the beach. I only had four hours with Reese so I needed to take her back way too soon for my liking.
Another sad reminder that she doesn’t feel like my child, like she belongs to someone else.
I will enjoy this holiday, believe me. But I’ll never know who Reese is really spending all her time with, how can I after being fibbed to? Another male figure, who’s not me? She always talks about him to me so at least she likes him, that’s important to me at least.
The time we did spend at the beach (albeit rushed) was wonderful. I could pretend for a few hours That I did have a say in her life!
It’s worth all this pain, because even if I don’t have much of a say in her life anymore, or get to see her enough, it’s still worth it for those few precious hours a week I do get to spend with her! I’m the luckiest person in existence to have her.
And I’m glad Dani is happy now, as she deserves, like everyone does. I want to protect her wellbeing as well as Reese’s, that’s what real love is, it doesn’t have to necessarily be reciprocated to be true.
“How can I be the best nurse like you daddy?”
“Because it will just come to you like it did for me!”
“We are the bests nurses aren’t we?!”
… It’s all so worth it for these few yet special moments.
I won’t let this pain get the better of me, there’s just too much to be thankful for!