Freedom

Sometimes I have days at work where I wonder if it’s realistic or even possible for me to be a nurse. These are what I’d class as bad days.

Every morning I wake up early to meditate. My brain injury means I HAVE to live now and not later, or yesterday. I only see what is in front of me, I don’t regard much else.

The reason so many people in the world struggle with brain injury understanding is due to one specific thing.. they think. 

“Why is he acting like that? He didn’t act like that yesterday”.

“What sort of a friend says that?”

“What does he really mean when he says that?”

The mind is poisonous. People that only see whats in front of them and do not let their mind run away with itself are often the only ones who can understand the most.

There is no ulterior motive with brain injury. What you see is what you get. We don’t have the capacity for other socially acceptable games.

Like Texting

Apparently there are rules, like not opening a message until you’re ready to reply so the other person doesn’t get upset or cry.

Don’t reply straight away, you might seem needy

“OMG he three-time texted you?”

…..Da hell is up with this buffoonery nonsense.  Good jesus.

Being a nurse while brain injured.

I started this blog with a sentence that wasn’t really me talking, it was an example I wanted to use.

It’s an example of how to fail at something that seems impossible, whatever that might be. You can’t ‘wonder’ without thinking and using the mind. I don’t wonder if I can be a nurse with my condition, I don’t even ‘believe’ I can.

To believe in something is openly admitting that is not true, like believing in god. Believing seems to imply you want to give yourself to something but you can’t, because you know it’s not 100% true.

I know I can be a nurse. I already am. It’s proven. I just have to work harder, be smarter and be openly accepting of anything else that will inevitably crop up. People always try to become, to get somewhere. Rush. What about right now? What about the blissful silence inside you right now?

be

Admittedly, I had a wobbly moment on my first shift on placement at the start of the week. I left it too long to eat lunch, a rookie mistake.

I felt dizzy, my eyes were blurry, I had thumping temples, every time I moved my eyeballs there was a lot of pain. My communication skills started to go, the lisp arrived. I felt my stomach start to turn and let me know it needed emptying, classic sign of symptom number 5 of my neuro-fatigue experience.

Ok Mikey time to grip yourself. There’s no way you’re going home early on your first day, so sort it out. 

So I did. I went on my break, I ate something, I went to the toilet and meditated in the cubicle, I drank water and tea and gave myself a mini head massage. When I returned, nobody was any the wiser and I performed great for the rest of my shift.

Being loose and natural.

I am my own person. Love it or hate it, that’s not my business. Just know that I’m mindful of my brain injury. But I’m also mindful of who I am, the two aren’t mutually exclusive. I never have reservations of being my true self, wherever I am or whoever I’m with.

Life has its challenges, we all have them in different forms in our lives. The topics I discuss in this blog are relevant to all aspects of life, not just brain injury.

Helping others is my passion in life. I love tattoos. I love the gym. I love kids. I love making people laugh. I love fearing nothing, fearing something is the work of the mind. I aim to please nobody. I’m a children’s nurse. I love animals. I love blondes (no filter for you there). I love my family. I love being true. I love living now. 

I am as free as a bird and doing my thing.

free lion.jpg

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