Back on the hustle. Despite what you may think of it

I did it. I completed 6 weeks of full time work as a student nurse. I’m not going to lie, 9-5pm Monday to Friday as a health visitor was never the most adrenaline fuelled job to be doing, but I loved my time with the children. I had quite a few safeguarding and complex issues which was great for my experience, all in all a solid performance. Just.

I barely made it!

By the skin of my teeth would not be an exaggeration. Unfortunately my home life and personal relationships suffered greatly, few that I have! I’m not looking for sympathy by any means, it is selfish: it’s my choice. Despite a few mentions of trying the part time option from family members, I was determined to see it through in a full time role. Because of this,  despite being able to perform as a nurse, I have completely failed at performing as a husband. And this has happened at the worse possible time for Dani. I simply have not been there. It’s all very well saying “soul of a lion, hustle hard” and charging at it with everything you’ve got, but it comes at a price which I’m seeing for the first time.

And when I have been there, I’ve been selfish. Often overlooking the fact that I need to care and support my wife, I have been predominantly focused on getting enough rest, sleep, food, exercise and downtime. I have been too exhausted for anything else.

I’m a very private person. I don’t usually ramble on about my personal life, despite keeping a semi regular blog. I try to keep everything detailed in my blog around my injury and my nursing, for others in a similar position to benefit from.

When our most recent tragedy first happened, people told me they were glad I was there for Dani as I was the best person. this is erroneous, completely incorrect now. I am the worse and last person helping my wife, despite my futile, part-time efforts. It took all my energy and focus to get through this placement, everyday was like a planned-to-perfection military operation. Food, sleep, hygiene, meditation and countless other strategies were implemented round the clock to get me through it.

What have I gained?

Yes, I managed it. But at what cost. Is it so wrong for a 25 year old to want to make an impact in the nursing world and look after sick children??

I watched House a few years ago, the TV programme. He is the best doctor in the world ever who never gets anything wrong. On one episode A patient said to him:

“You are the best at what you do. You live for your job, people know you do only good like no other doctor. you’re obsessed by it and so passionate – But at what cost is that? People like you and me have empty wedding ring fingers. It’s for a reason.”

Sometimes, a passionate obsession with something that you live for comes at a cost.

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