And the heart grows heavier still



So, last week I attempted to call my friend Atique, who I spoke about in my previous blogs as only having a short time left to live, due to an inoperable tumour growing in his intestinal tract. He was in severe pain and bed bound as a result.

Whilst at work the following day, he tried to call me. Obviously I dcouldn’t answer, so I planned on calling him back shortly after.

I tried to call the day after, but with no luck. I then woke up the following day to a missed call from him, but I was unable to return the call for some reason or another.

So I leave uni early today due to a dodgy head. When I return home I check my email.

I new message from Atique

..which read –

Hello friend,

Atique died Friday evening. The doctors said his tumour was growing quickly. He was strong and positive till the end. 


Fuck. Well I screwed that one up, I didn’t get to speak to him again. Take something away from this, I’m sure I won’t need to spell out the moral to this shitty story. I hope with all my heart he got to see his kids again before he died.




And the heart grows heavier still 


One thought on “And the heart grows heavier still

  1. I’ve been following your blog for sometime and it has resonated with me because my son had a BI when he was 15 years old, which changed his character and the relationship he had with me and his Dad. He is now 42 years old and still does and says some things which are difficult for me to understand and accept, but because he is my son, I love him and accept that how he is behaving is down to the BI and not him. He has been living in Thailand for 5 years and we have never seen him in all that time, which is a great sadness to us, but it is his choice and again, we accept that – although there is no bad feeling about him being over there.

    I understand how you feel about your friend, Atique, but you did TRY and contact him and for whatever reason weren’t able to speak to him, but having read your blog, I am sure he understood that you were working and it wouldn’t always be convenient just to drop everything to call him. I’m sure you made a difference to him and I think you should stop beating yourself up – he wouldn’t want you to do that. So carry on doing what you are doing best – looking after those children who rely and depend on you.

    I wish I had commented on your blog before but want you to know that as much as I am proud of my son for all he has achieved since his accident when he was 15, if I was your Mum, I would be proud of you too and I’m sure she is! Keep on keeping on – and live each day to the full, as you are doing. Your daughter will KNOW that you love her because it shines through when you write about her. Be blessed. M xx


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