Brain Pain

Over the years I’ve put so many strategies in place it’s just become a part of me, who I am.

From hiding my lisp and my poor memory by using humour when I’m tired,  to making a note of where I parked the car, using humour when I struggle with word finding to zoning out and going quiet when my head begins to torture me as a result of too much concentration, everyday I’ve implemented ways to try and live successfully with a brain injury. 

I currently have an essay due at the end of the month. I’ve been working hard on it, but yesterday I had a wake up call

Over the years, pain and discomfort have become so familiar to me that I have had to view them as my friends. Now I have gone the other way, physical pain is almost pleasurable to me.

Brain pain (copyright Whitehead 2016).

Yesterday evening, neuro-fatigue hit me as hard as a fat nurse hits the button for the vending machine after a night shift.

It felt as though someone had cut my head open and put razor blades inside and shook it like a snow globe

I have no memory retention during this time. If you were to tell me something it would be as though it didn’t happen!

Each step I took vibrates my head tenfold and it feels like it’s to explode. Each step is like a sledgehammer to my head. I have to start squinting because of the photosensitivity 

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Another classic symptom of mine is I go white as a sheet

Sickness arrives, then I start needing the toilet repeatedly for a number 2. I’ve only been sick twice though, I use strategies to prevent reaching that stage.

brain pain.jpg

When I have a lot of things going on, I am susceptible to this. These symptoms are my brain’s way of telling me to slow down. ‘You’re doing too much essay writing’.

Imagine feeling this after a shift at work. Or after a busy day at uni. Then imagine you can’t remember where you parked. It’s raining and you’re feeling worse by the minute. Hopefully you can appreciate the importance of a parking permit so you can park nearby.

But I remember that it would be much harder doing all this from a wheelchair. I am so thankful for this you could never understand!

Essays are beyond hard for me. Sometimes it feels impossible, especially when my head feels as heavy as a boulder or I start to spin while trying to do my research.

I can feel my eyes start blurring and spinning when I concentrate on things for so long.

Perhaps that’s why my concentration levels are shit. It is, like everything else, a coping mechanism.

I live for the moment. I do stupid things, I laugh a lot and I take everything with a pinch of salt. I’m childish and I have the mentality of a child. Because I need that escapism from the other serious things going on in life.

cute baby.jpg

There’s way too much seriousness in life. I’m not stupid, I know you need to be serious sometimes.

But I believe it is more important to laugh. Life is too short and way too serious for my liking





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s