Not EVERYTHING is as it seems

People misread my intentions, my actions or my behaviour and believe them to be something that just isn’t true every day. This is a major factor of brain injury life that we have to come to terms with, if not then we’re destined for a life of utter misery.

This is why I’m lucky I don’t care about other people’s opinions. I HAVE to be like that.

  • If you’re feeling fatigued, people think you’re miserable.
  • If you’re experiencing pain in your head and you try to deal with it in your own quiet way people think you’re in a bad mood.
  • Symptoms of PTSD lead people to think you’re a rude arsehole.
  • A lack of filter means people think you’re arrogant and full of yourself.
  • If you are unable to commit to a relationship, people think you’re just a player.

On my first hospital placement, many of the staff members seemed to be really funny with me. They’d ignore me and try to avoid every having to work with me.

I later found out that the staff had treated me this way because they were unhappy with the adjustments I have to have in place for my placements as the result of my injury.

Following my adjustments letter, one member of staff admitted that they had all said at the time ‘He doesn’t want to work long days? He doesn’t want to work night shifts? He doesn’t want to work a late shift followed by an early? What does he want to do?’

I know that every ward I step on to for the first time will all have members of staff who have their own opinions of me and their mind is already made up. Much like how it was at uni for a while, people heard me and my voice and many of them didn’t like me and I’m pretty sure there are still many that don’t!

I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s great not caring about other people’s opinions or views. It’s liberating.

But I do care about one person’s opinion

I would do anything to be able to pick Reese up from nursery, take her back to my place, have some dinner and play and then take her back the following morning. I cannot possibly put into words how much this would mean to me.

But the fact that I may have a night terror (a the result of the injury) and risk her seeing it mean’s that I can’t have her to stay overnight on my own. She’s nearly 4 and I’ve never had her to myself overnight.

But like every pain that I feel, I use it. It fuels me with fire like you wouldn’t believe and energises me. I use it to get through the hardest times, I use it for inspiration to try and do the impossible and live our dream of me becoming a nurse.

I’m starting to see pain as my friend.

It fills my heart with joy that she constantly asks how me and Dr Ranj make people better

Dr Ranj.jpg

 

It breaks my heart when people look down their noses at the homeless. How sad that we think we have the right decide if people have the right to a measly one pound based on their appearance and whether we think they are drugs users or not.

While I’m certainly not condoning drug use, people can’t possibly know what hardships they’ve had to endure in their lives.

I guess all that I’m trying to say is not everything is as it seems.

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