Totality

Before you read this blog, I wonder if you’re married. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend whom you love more than anything? If it’s a yes then go to the next paragraph in bold. If no, then skip the paragraph in bold and go to the regular font.

So, congratulations if you’re reading this paragraph … you’re in love! I know how great that feels. So, you and your partner have decided to get married. You jet off on your honeymoon for the time of your life. However, you have a bad accident in your first week that leaves you with a drastic change to your personality. But you still have you beloved, so it’s ok. Go to the next bold paragraph to see what’s next for you.

Do I have your attention yet? 😉

So, you haven’t found ‘the one’ as yet. But it’s cool , you can meet your soulmate at any point in your life, so you can never run out of time. Instead, you focus on your career as a nurse (which you are actually in love with) and just see what happens. Go to the next regular font.

The partner you love starts to really notice your newfound ‘flaws’ or changes in personality, as I prefer to call them. You decide to have a trial separation, with the aim of continuing your relationship after a short break. You can deal with that, so you rent a room in a house filled with a loving family. It’s only temporary after all. Go to the next bold paragraph. 

You excel in your job. Your patients love you and you have lots of friends. Life couldn’t be better. You even find your lifelong partner and get married (Congrats by the way)! You go on your honeymoon and have the time of your life. You have your first child and couldn’t be happier! Go to the next regular font paragraph.

Disaster strikes. Your wife tells you that she would like to buy you out of the house you bought together. The family you’re living with turn out to be a bunch of nutters, one of which an alcoholic and drug user. You are viciously attacked by one of them one night, and they even try to have you arrested and kicked off your university course by telling lies. You don’t have your partner anymore remember, so who do you turn to?  Your parents live a hundred miles away. You know your partner has started a relationship with someone else now, and with someone you knew too. Ouch. Go to the regular font paragraph. 

 

Conclusion

I wasn’t trying to be a clever dick by writing today’s blog like this, it just helps me make a point, which is this:

I live my life hiding my true feelings. I hide behind my tattoos, smiling and the gym. It does hurt, every single day I am reminded of something I’ve lost that’s been a result of my accident. The regular font is the ‘ideal’ life many people probably think of.

But in all honesty, although I’m not even barely scratching the surface with these little paragraphs, I wouldn’t change my life for the world.

I’m full of passion and fire. I’m fearless and I love everyday with complete totality. I am sad sometimes (quite often), but when I’m sad I’m sad totally. When I’m happy, it’s with complete and utter totality.  When I’m lonely, tired, laughing, crying, exercising, eating.. it’s all with totality. Regardless of my number of friends/girlfriends, I’m living my life to the full.

total tiger.jpg

Nothing can stop me in my goal to become a nurse because I have approached it with complete and utter totality and intensity from day one. There are things that have happened to me that I can’t speak about or even tell anyone about through this blog or in person. But guess what.. it’s made me who I am.

I recently had a benefit (that was keeping me above water) taken away. I can’t work as well as study and I can’t work full time for the rest of my life. Owing to the expensive lifestyle of being brain injured (which isn’t luxury. It’s what you need to simply live) and the collapse 0f my court case which could happen.. then I’m fucked. A part time wage won’t cut it I”m afraid.

But guess what? I’ll accept that with complete totality. I’ll be sad, but totally. I’ll be skint, totally. I’ll miss out, totally. Although I do not believe it to be reciprocated (obviously), I loved my wife totally. And I wouldn’t change that for the world, even if it did cause me so much pain in the end.  Because It’s me. 

total-love

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