To the lost – Part 2

2007:

As I stepped onto the bus in Purley, South London, I knew I was in the shit. I’d visited my boss at work, who was in charge of the CCTV equipment company I was working for. I was 17 and intensely uninterested. He had summoned me in because I hadn’t bothered to process over 25 big orders before I’d gone away on holiday. Processing those orders was pointless and menial.

I couldn’t care less

I was so bored of well paid but unfulfilling jobs. So, after I had rang my mum to tell her of my demise in my pursuit of the CCTV dream, she had told me to stop off at the careers advice lady on the way home.

What is it you want to do then?

 

..the career’s lady had said.

Something meaningful. I want to help other people.

 

She smiled and said –

Have you thought about nursing?

 

My journey begun

Around the same time as this meeting, I had watched the film ‘Patch adams’, which is based on a real doctor who helps children by making them laugh and happy by being outrageously childish himself, with no regard for other’s opinions of his methods.

That’s what I want to do.

.. it became my dream and my obsession. So after I completed my access course in college, I was accepted into university where I began studying to be a children’s nurse.

patch-laugh

A slight hitch

.. obviously my accident happened. I was lucky to be alive but was told by some that a career in nursing was probably not going to be possible. I was heartbroken.

What do I do now?

I tried to resume my studies, but I just  couldn’t manage it.

Stubbornness

A year later and after lots of intense rehab and hard work I was able to restart my journey and obsession with becoming a children’s nurse.

Ongoing uni problems

  • Divorce
  • Death of family members
  • Fitness to practice panel
  • Being failed at the mid point of one of my placements
  • False accusations of assault resulting from poor decisions made by my now compromised brain and subsequent different personality
  • Loneliness and despair. The fact I’m desperate to go out with my friends at uni but can’t because I’m not too great with nightclubs (especially in different towns).
  • Missing my daughter every single day

Nearly 10 years after my meeting with the careers lady –

I am now a final year student nurse!

Today I read the most most profound words that made me realise something quite amazing. They were comments made by my mentor who had to assess me for the placement I’ve just finished.

After I read these nice comments, a chill ran down my spine. Her words were exactly what I’ve dreamt about being for nearly 10 years. The words that I’ve gone through hell and sacrificed everything for.

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Say what you like for my reasoning for sharing this with you. If you think it’s showing off or arrogance then that is absolutely fine by me, because I understand the true importance of sharing it.

Some people who read this blog have been through hell.

And just because I am where I am does not mean I will forget I did too. I’m humble and grateful, but what good would come from learning how to live and be happy again if you didn’t share it with those who desperately need this help, like I once did?

Like me, they’ve lost everything and now need to start all over again, but with a severely limited capacity for life and an unknowing that a whole new definition of the word hell is coming their way.

On my hand I have a tattoo that is a tribute and shows respect to all and everything that I’ve lost in my life.

But for the first time I want to explain to you what else it means.

The reason it says ‘to the lost’ and it is on my hand, is because whenever I am making a toast I am also making a toast to the ‘old Mikey‘, he’d have been lost, along with my filters, for 5 years this April. If I had his address I’d send him a card.

But anyway ….. HERE’S TO THE OLD MIKEY

Because let’s face it, even I am isolated, forgetful, exhausted 24/7, anxious, forget and can’t find my words, lisp like Chris Eubank when tired, get horrible dizziness every bloody day, have the smooth demeanour of a cheap clown that you hire for children’s birthday parties, have 0 filters, have headaches all the time and constantly struggle to keep up with everything and everyone around me, I probably wouldn’t have made it this far with him. So here’s to you.

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And yes, that’s just water.

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