I’m writing this blog knowing that my chicken tikka vindaloo will be here any moment so i I probably won’t finish or post it, but I still fancy a bit of therapy all the same.
I fascinate myself. I am peculiar, I have strange habits and a weird outlook on everything in life.
People, for example. I hate them for the most part. Socialising with them I mean. Like right now for example, it’s just do peopley outside so I hibernate. I’m like a hedgehog (they hibernate don’t they?).
But I’m the most sociable person when I’m out with friends or whatever. Take last summer for example, I hardly spent any time in my flat, I was always down the beach or in a bar with someone.
Thats another thing. As I’ve probably mentioned before, I don’t have many. But in the summer I seem to make loads of them and I’m always feeling sociable and wanting to LIVE like there’s no tomorrow.
I have no idea what’s going on up there to be honest. Am I lonely, or am I glad that there is currently no one in my life to disappoint?
Is all I want to do. I don’t care about having girlfriend’s or money or socialising every weekend, I’m obsessed with nursing. It is the only thing that has never hurt me, I feel alive when I’m doing it. I hate being at uni and not working, I just want to be working as a nurse.
Well you know what’s coming. I’m just sad all the time to be honest. I miss her. She had her second belated birthday party the other day, of course I couldn’t go. I wasn’t invited, but even if I was it would have been too weird with my ex wife’s new fella there with his kids. I want so much to have Reese overnight on my own, 4 years and it’s yet to happen.. big sigh!
I keep thinking about this guy.
I’m sad I didn’t get the chance to talk to him one more time. I was sad if a day went by on holiday that I didn’t go to his house to visit him (there must have only been one or two days)!!
He died when I was 10, so I hardly knew him. Funnily enough I feel like I do though. Jack, my mum and my dad are the reason the name Whitehead means what it is. It’s a type of strength and respect that can’t be put into words.
I’m scared about this 7000 word project though. Can I do this? I’m not on the home straight or whatever people might think, 3 years all comes down to this.
Writing this short blog has helped a bit. For my last big uni project I need to do what I’ve been doing for the past three years to get me through arduous tasks. Focus on and absorb the pain like the ones mentioned above and use it to get through the next few months.
Loneliness – focus
The lost – determination and energy
Reese – The will to do whatever it takes
My curry – has arrived, so I’m signing off. Ciao.