So I’m lying in the hospital bed. I’ve woken up from my coma and emerged from post traumatic amnesia, I’m in a specialist brain injury ward. I know this because the words are written in front of my bed on a white board:

Your name is Mikey Whitehead. You are on ****  TBI/ABI ward, *** hospital.

You what? I was on honeymoon the other week, WTF am I doing here? Then I remember the plain crash I had and a wave of absolute fear and pure terror sweeps over me as I remember it. There’s a knock at my door and a woman comes in.

‘Hey Mikey. My name is Alison, I’ll be helping you to talk and swallow properly again’ she says.

Does she know I’m a student nurse?

After an hour of what I deem to be pointless but exhausting work, she leaves. I try to lift my arm to touch the TV screen in front of me to watch a pre paid film, but I’m too weak. My head drops back and I’m too weak to fight the tiredness. I fall asleep for what must have been at least two hours. I’m woken by another knock on my door. Two physio-therapists tell me they’re going to teach me to walk again.

After an hour of dribbling over them and falling arse about face, nearly shitting myself and collapsing onto a commode, they finally leave. They both flash me a smile, wipe the dribble from their shirts and tell me how well I did in today’s session. Then there’s yet another knock at my door.

Three men and a lady are standing in my doorway. Then a tall man with a very round and shiny head walks in.

‘Hi Mikey, I’m Dr ***, we’re just doing the ward round. How are you today?’ he asks me.

The tall man asks to examine me. He asks me to put my hands out and touch his fingers with my forefinger. I can’t believe how difficult this is.

‘Oh’, a saddened voice appears behind me. It’s my parents, who have appeared as if by magic, there’s someone else next to them as well. How the hell did they appear out of nowhere?

 I wanted to see Dani, where was my wife?

‘What year is it? Who’s the prime minister?’

God knows the answers to these questions. I looked up at the clock, I used to be able to understand them. All I felt was a severe pain in my head and a blur of numbers which meant nothing to me. I felt so sick, so tired. I just wanted to sleep.

‘Goodnight Mikey, have a nice sleep!’

The lights went out. The I.V line running through my hand was hurting. What was it stuck in my arm for? I pulled it out. What was this tube stuck down my nose? I pulled it out. A nurse left me for five minutes, so I stood up and made for the toilet. The drip stand fell over as I clambered over the bed and made for the toilet. When I got there I pulled my trousers down and there was a tube coming out of my special man parts. DAFUQ is going on?

Mikey  STOP!!

The next day, a nurse enters my room. She says:

I know you said you love nursing, but I think it might be time to think about another profession. I mean, you’re lucky to be alive. You should be thankful for that much. It’s just not realistic babe, I know it’s hard to accept this now but you’re a young man there’s loads of work you can enjoy. Being realistic, It’s time to throw in the towel now.