Still smiling!

Although I said that my final nursing placement, which I am now 4 weeks into, would answer the question of whether I could sustain a job as a qualified nurse, I already knew the answer. I’ve known for a very long time actually.

Nothing makes me happier than being a nurse, nothing in the world. I don’t care how sad it sounds, but it’s always meant everything to me and always will.

I have just finished three early shifts in a row. Reese came back from a week’s holiday to Disneyland, so I saw her for the first time today.

Well, I saw her in the flesh at least. I spent half the day trying not to fall over from the swaying floors, they haven’t stopped moving.

Every time I move my eyeballs I feel like I need to puke

I knew this would take it’s toll, both physically and mentally, putting myself through such torment every single day.

Plus it’s official: 27 is the year I grew my first grey hairs!

90% of those reading this will wonder why on earth I am writing a blog when I feel so awful. 99% of you will wonder why I woke up this morning and went to the gym before I saw Reese.

And so the lack of understanding prevails

Hey, I was going to give an answer to this. But I am so tired of giving explanations for how I am to those that ask me, knowing that they don’t really comprehend it, or even try to. It is utterly astounding to me how uncompassionate people are. Therefore, I will sleep soundly and have no problems in telling you:

The gym is more important than my daughter. And I’m not bad enough where I can’t write a blog, it’s not that bad really. I’m just being dramatic.

NB I need to use Viagra since my accident. You really think I care about what people think of me? Major lols to that.

I was lying down feeling half dead today when I should’ve been playing with my daughter in the garden, after having missed her so much for the past week.

Now I must wait until Tuesday to see Reese for only two hours, as I have my annual appointment with my consultant on that day.

I’ll watch a third group of people qualify as nurses soon when I still have over a year of continued torment to go.
I continue to watch people not take me seriously as I stumble over my words and say weird things when wearing a nurse’s uniform.
I’ll continue to fight tooth and nail for months at a time to try and prove I need a parking permit, and then pay fifty fucking quid for 10 tickets which comes out of my never ending supply of money that I seem to have magically accumulated through not working over the past 5 years.

This is what I signed up for when I decided I didn’t want to be a patient with a massive pay-out, but that I wanted to be a children’s nurse instead.

Once I get there, I know I’ll face some heart breaking decisions. But until then, I’ll keep setting my alarm clock and hoping I don’t push myself so hard I have a seizure and my driving licence is revoked, or I pass out and they stop me from becoming a qualified nurse.

But until decision time comes, mark my words: I welcome all of it, because all of the above are not the reasons I am putting myself through all this nonsense in the first place.