Free as a bird

The last couple of weeks have certainly played host to some very profound circumstances for me, hence why I haven’t written a blog lately. I’ve come off facebook for a bit, so I’m assuming this blog probably won’t be read by anyone.

This makes no difference to me. I write for my therapy, not to please anyone else.

For example, the poem I wrote in my last blog was viewed by 2 people, as opposed to the usual 70-100. And I know exactly who probably read it lol.

You guys will be reading this too, sat there in your expensive suits, probably pondering on where to dine for lunch. Maybe the earl grey you’re sipping isn’t quite zesty enough for your liking.

You guys are part of a very long list of people who want to see me fail and wronged, mainly by way of manipulation and libel, because you certainly can’t win with the truth. Get in line fellas, you’ll get your chance, I know we’ll be coming face to face soon, I got the email. But listen guys, real talk, just as all those who have gone against me in my life, know that I feel no anger towards you whatsoever.

love as god.jpg

I decided to leave my final nursing placement last week and the new plan will be for me to make up my hours and then start placement 6 in January. When everyone I work with has qualified I will yet to have started my final placement.

I’m just not ready for placement 6 yet.

The truth doesn’t need any comment, It simply is. The minute you try to talk about the truth you tell a lie, it becomes corrupted. For example, try explaining how light looks to a blind man, it’s impossible. Or try explaining what sweet taste is like to someone who can’t experience sensation. You’d end up talking so much looking for the right words that you’d end up giving a completely different explanation to what is the truth.

Every where I have turned these past 5 years..

…someone, or a group of people have tried to ruin everything for me. Either by lies or manipulation, they have always been there. Half my life people don’t believe the real truth, that’s part and parcel of living with a brain injury.

I’m starting to see that people like me aren’t really meant to be nurses, I won’t be around for long I’m afraid!

It’s time to enjoy the ride while it lasts now.  I’m free spirited and independent from ‘society’s norms’, but this only seems to put me in more trouble (often never for a tangible reason)time and time again.

But I’ll carry on being free as a bird and living independently from the world. Even when I did play the game, people were still out to get me. So why not just do my own thing?! I’m screwed anyway by that logic. Why not enjoy it?

My wife hated the ‘new’ Mikey, the new clown Mikey, he wasn’t as slick as the old 007 agent Mikey.

osho spirituality

Betrayal has taken many forms in my life, it’s probably running out of ideas on how to manifest itself for next time! But I forgive every single person who has in some way betrayed, lied or wronged me over the years. I feel genuine love for the suffering these individuals must have. No hard feelings. Life is tough for everyone and we’re all going on our own unique journey.

In all honesty, with 100% heartfelt truth: for the first time in 5 years I’m not sure whether I can do this now. In fact, I’m pretty sure that it won’t happen this time round. This is a difficult concept for me to grasp, especially so late in the day. Like I said, it’s time to enjoy the ride while it lasts and do my best to be a good nurse until that time comes.

I know I’m a good nurse, but when I lose that I can still try my best to be a good person. And when I do have to give it up? I’ll give it a few years and start all over again. Because although peaceful and compassionate, I’m also stubborn AF.

 

 

 

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