So not for the first time in my life I find myself in the same position Once again;
A day off sick from work
Unable to get out of bed until 4pm yesterday
When I tried to do normal things again today I ended up feeling wiped out
I’m meant to be having Reese now as I haven’t seen her in a while.
But I feel drained
I miss her but I have an early shift at the hospital tomorrow.
Nobody said once I was qualified it would be a happily ever after story
Yet here I am, wondering to myself if my health will let me down and not quite be enough for me to work as a nurse.
Just have to do what I can
It’s so hard for me to formulate sentences sometimes, At times I really struggle with word finding.
And of course most people are eager to speak, so I find myself rarely finishing what I wanted to say
At work, even with people I’ve known for years, sometimes I have to gaze quickly at their name tag, because when I first start somewhere new the cognitive process in my head seem to work at half half the speed as it normally does.
These processes aren’t that fast at the best of times
I talk to myself often. That’s just me making sense of things.
Sometimes I look like I’m flapping, but I’m not. It’s just me trying to make sense of the sludgey and acutely slow paced thoughts that are attacking my head all at once
It all has to be hidden, right?
The world is fast paced and overwhelming for people with a head injury, even just being in public is tough, let alone working on a busy hospital ward.
The important thing for us is not to feel ashamed of how we’re feeling, brain injury or not.
I’m not fast paced anymore
I can’t do a million things at once
Sometimes my communication is bad, slow and unfiltered
Unless I say someone’s name every day I’ll prob need to look at their badge quite a bit. The trick is to do it without them noticing
It’s frustrating and isolating at times but it is what it is and I’m happy to have the chance.
Now it’s time to formulate a plan to get myself feeling better, although I’m not sure what just yet.