So here I am, sat here with a cup of tea and 8 days until I officially graduate.
I keep telling myself that whatever happens from this point onwards doesn’t matter.
Some of the ‘usual’ readers of this blog will know what kept me motivated.
..whether that be head injuries, chronic fatigue, mental health issues to whatever.
Or for just being different …
…or being told you can’t do something, for whatever reason. Or perhaps just getting setback after setback and your goal is getting further and further away.
Learn to embrace aloneness
When I was being faced with an assault charge some time ago, I locked myself away for a whole month before my hearing.
I didn’t see friends or family for the majority of this time. Other than my family, nobody at my uni believed that I was innocent.
And a miracle happened
During that month I saw the truth which can be found hidden in the sound of silence which is inside every one of us.
Just being alone made me see the truth and that gave me the courage do tackle any obstacle coming my way.
In some Zen monasteries, when people arrive to start their journey of enlightenment, the monks will insist that they stay in a room on their own for 3 weeks before any ‘training’ can begin.
I was lonely for years. The ‘old mikey’ was so popular and outgoing that the new Mikey, in contrast, was a let down. And for a long time I hated him.
Society teaches us to ‘keep busy’ during stressful times
I was suckered into this for years. But as time was passing by and more and more friends were slowly dropping out my life because the ‘new Mikey’ wasn’t as fun or outgoing as the old one, I started to question this little theory.
After my head injury, aside from one, all my friends disappeared. I sat in hospital wondering why everyone’s phone was Suddenly turned off.
And All those who had come to my stag do only a few months before? They did a Harry Houdini
After I split with my wife, where were all the friends I had made while I was with her?
First they had gossiped, then they disappeared
For years I punished myself with alcohol (And sometimes a lot worse)
Drugs. Shock horror. Yes, this blog just got real
But when you’ve been at a point where you don’t care if you live or die you realise it’s important to be honest, maybe to throw other people a lifeline.
The answers we need are are in front of us. Not inside a bottle. Not in someone else’s head.
Learning to ‘go it alone’ and be comfortable with this was the thing that saved me.
From substances, alcohol, spiralling out of control and ultimately giving up on life
Being alone is the last thing I wanted. But circumstances meant that I learned to embrace it. Putting yourself first is something society tells us is bad. But unless you do you will have no hope of finding any sort of calm or happiness.
You’d be surprised by what could save you if you gave it a chance.