Plan for a miracle

My head is going round and round. I’m in a tight spot and I have no idea what to do, so I’m resorting to writing out of sheer desperation!

I made a confession to someone in management where I work recently

I said that I wasn’t really coping with the busyness and the workload. I said that It’s such a busy unit and my head just wasn’t keeping up.

At first I ignored the head pain, but I ended up making things worse for myself

Everyone else around me is pulling their weight so I suffer secretly and hope it will go away and I’ll be alright.

This was a bad strategy

Because low and behold I’m off sick AGAIN.

As hard as it was to have this conversation It was agreed that this probably isn’t the best place for me to work as a new nurse and I accepted that for what it was as best as I could.

But the question is whether anywhere else would want or be willing to hire a newly qualified nurse who can only work two measley days a week.

Being realistic: it’s really not likely

But I guess I’ll face that challenge when it arrives.

As my tutor at uni would often ask me.. so what now?

Do I Push myself but risk potentially really doing some damage to my health?

Do I Walk away from this job and the unit I love and wanted to work in for the past 3 years?

I have no idea how this is going to end.

Maybe I need to remember how lucky I am. After all This wasn’t just a sprained ankle, I still became a qualified nurse and I enjoyed all the magic that came with it.

And yet I feel like I want to cry all the time. Part of me feels like I’m failing and should try to do better or find another solution like I’ve done before.

I think to myself that there might be other people out there dealing with similar issues but have nowhere to turn for guidance, like I feel now.

And that’s why I carry on writing this blog, as difficult as it is to write

I know I’ve given the best part of 10 years of my life to being the best nurse I could possibly be.

I’ll always be thankful for the people that helped me to get there.

And whatever it is I decide to do next, which right now I have absolutely no idea of, will ever change that.

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