Things aren’t always what they seem

I’m sure you’ve probably noticed that I’m writing a bit more frequently at the moment and my blogs are shorter. Tomorrow I sit an exam that will mark the end of my second year of nursing and will propel me into my final year.

Everyone knows that ‘finishing something you’ve started’ no matter which obstacles may present themselves, is an important thing we as humans must try to do, especially if they have a real and honest passion and love for it. The only thing I have this much conviction over in my life are my packets of monster munch. 

 

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I believed (against the statistics) that I could get this far. However, the tattoo just beneath ‘believe’ on my arm reads something quite different. A mantra I have always truly believed in.

 

Because when all is said and done, there is nothing more than To love and be Loved – maybe this sounds a bit cheesy, but I believed in this the moment I heard it many years ago. Perhaps this is why I got married so young.

Those of you without children may not understand the pain I feel every day, those that do will know only too well how it must feel.

 

I’ve made many mistakes in life, poor judgements and poor decisions. Then again, a severe brain injury didn’t help my life choices. Trying to avoid a libellous conviction at one point didn’t help.

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But thats gone now. Only the heartache remains.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, by saving Reese and her mum’s life in that crash, it’s given me some solace, some strength. Counting that boy in costa that puts me three lives up, I can live with that.

I know what its like to be loved and for life circumstances to take it away, this is life. People change as the earth spins in space. It may seem too painful and unbelievable to bear at first but I have to adapt, like a chameleon adapts to it’s surroundings.

Sometimes You must be businesslike and logical. I proved this to myself at the beginning of the year, that’s how I came out on top then and countless other times before and I will always continue moving in this way.

 

 

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Every move is thought out, carefully I plan,

My King takes the rook on the board and I advance.

I suppress my emotions as I move with intelligence,

I can wait longer I’m stronger and more disciplined.

The pain is what I focus on because it fuels my dedication,

I assemble all these traits together into one unbeatable affirmation.

What may appear as truth to others and even at one time to me, 

Will never enable my failure, kill my spirit or integrity.

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