Going for broke


There will be people reading this blog now or in the future who at a time I would have been very close with. But as time has passed our relationship has diminished. Not completely in some cases, but mostly. It is common for people to lose touch though right?

I don’t know why, but there are people out there that keep trying to screw me over. It’s been happening since I was a kid, but it has become severely acute since my brain injury.

I’ve had more screw attempts that the eiffel tower

I couldn’t tell you why though! I’ve never met anyone who has had so many people betray them in their life and try to ruin their dream for whatever reason.

Many people read this blog and are probably perplexed by what I write about. None of it is embellished or dramatised, this really is how things are on a daily basis.

Is this really anything to do with the brain injury?

I don’t waste time pondering this. All I know is the truth, that I need to live my life differently to other people in order to survive let alone succeed.

I write this blog with total acceptance and contentment. If you really knew half of what you think you know about me, you would understand.

But I don’t get it, why can’t you do that? Everyone else does. What do you mean you have to stay isolated? Why can’t you let people get close to you? Why?

This blog is total truth with no filter, for my own contentment. The truth is, most people who say these things wouldn’t last five minutes walking in my shoes. So why bother trying to explain?

I admit I am very untrusting of people. I am paranoid every day that people are out to get me. But I’m only a product of what time and circumstance has made me.

I mistrust people for a reason. I keep people away for a reason. No one will ever really understand why.

Accepting without understanding shows courage. 

osho courage.jpg

More truth: I don’t understand either. But I’m content with that.

But I do understand that the people in my life who I have allowed into my circle of trust have screwed me over big time. And my family, the only people I trust, have become just as hurt as I have. Time and time again they also become hurt by the betrayals I seem to keep attracting.

I guess it’s what I wanted, I see my dream  is coming,

I feel my enemies are plotting but they’ll never see me running.

It doesn’t matter to me how long I’ll last as a qualified nurse. I’m going for broke, this is it now. If I die the day after I become a qualified nurse then I would die happily knowing that I made it.

I’m always ready and I will always win. Out there right now I know there are people plotting against me. But do you know why I’ll always win? Because I have something that they don’t.

And you’ll never know what that is until I beat you with it

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