Last week, when me and Reese were staying over at my mum’s house, she asked me
‘Daddy, why can’t I sleep in your bed?’
For a nano second I was so close to saying that yes, she can, because I wanted nothing more. However, I met with my consultant later on that day and he told me that it wasn’t a good idea. Just as well really, because at 2/3am that night apparently I was standing on top of my bed shouting “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare!” .. or words to that effect. I vaguely remember the flashback I was having now.
So that was the nail in the coffin for me. Even though I’m desperate to see her more and have her overnight, I can’t risk it because of my symptoms. So after years of hoping I’ve well and truly accepted that reality. For now. It wouldn’t be worth how awful I’d feel afterwards having exposed her to it.
So I suppose Dr B was right (clever people with glasses usually are). Fair one.
Deciding not to tell anyone on my current placement about my condition seems to be paying off. It’s bizarre, because unless I tell people the reason why I am the way I am people generally have no idea, this is old news. But if I were to explain why I am a certain way, I’ve learned people try to make sense of it by comparing it to themselves.
Then again, my last placement knew I had a health condition because I was at uni with them before they became qualified. Great bunch of people, I love them all. But in all honesty when you tell people you have challenges and symptoms it becomes almost expected, even if through your own eyes.
The following in bold are just a few comments people have made to me since my accident, and right below it is the actuality/reality to each comment.
“Yep, I know what you mean. I get tired”.
Does your tiredness make you so dizzy you become sick and have an upset stomach? Do you get severe pain in your head? Do you get blurry lines appearing in front of you? Does the floor move? Do you go pale? Do you start to forget words, do you start to lisp?
“My memory is awful too”
Last week I left the house and had to return 5 times before I had everything I needed for the day. I kept forgetting something! But it’s ok right, that happens to you too every now and again. Try living with it day in and day out with no break in between. Oh, and this has been happening since I was 22.
“I used to know someone who would just say it how it is. I think it’s good to be like that”.
I hear this a lot, and it always makes me chuckle. People love an honest person until they tell the truth.
I was talking with someone yesterday and she said something that was very pertinent. ‘Brain injury is something people become interested in for a bit, then they return to their busy lives’.
Over time I’ve learned the rare skill of having no care for other people’s opinions, because that’s all they are. The truth is I embrace being different. I am my own person, I do, say and act as I want with no care for other’s opinions of me. I belong to no stereotype or clique.
So there you have it, if you want to learn how to just not give a **** then you don’t need to find a good self help book, you just need to go and have yourself a severe knock to the head. Coma optional. Disclaimer – This is not medical advice. Speak to your doctor before making this decision.