I’ve felt really different the past week or two, which is a rare occurrence as I spend a lot of time living in the here and now very happily.
Nonetheless, something has felt really amiss.
And now I know what it is. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this sad, it’s been weighing me down this past week. But After some time to myself this evening, I now realise that it’s due to the fact I’ll have my last university lecture next Tuesday.
There’s a lot of emotions flooding my mind right now. I think I’m going through the equivalent to the male menopause.
I’ve wanted this so much for so many years, and I’m feeling sad! What’s that all about?!
But then I gripped myself. I’m not sad or even scared to be a qualified nurse, that will be a dream come true when it happens in 14 months. It’s the idea of leaving a very big part of my life behind, It’s been 6 years since I started at this university.
I also have the brain problem of loving familiarity and intensely loathing any form of change
Man, I can’t tell you how sad it feels to think I’ll be leaving All the amazing people in my tutor group, the cohort and the tutors behind. I feel really sad about it. What a soppy nob.
I struggle with change and I’m very black and white
This has been my life. I’ve sacrificed everything for it. Southampton uni is a good uni, but for me it goes deeper than that, this experience was something special.
Plus my uni friends won’t ever know how amazing they’ve been to me. From day one I’ve said that I’ve never known such a great bunch of people. And from day one I’ve said none of them will realise the pivotal role they’ve played during some very difficult (and seemingly impossible) times in my journey to become a nurse. Even with my memory problems, I’ll never forget it!
I’ve never fit in and never felt accepted in any way. This has been the only place where I have, if not by all. Sure I annoy people, but no one has tried to get rid of me which is how it usually happens.
Plan of action
Anyway, it’s time to man up. This was only ever a stop gap needed to achieve my overall goal. That’s the main reason I’m here, everything else (like the people I’ve met) was just a bonus. Time to be logical and stay focused, I’ve got a long way to go before I get there.
Although i must admit, I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to have experienced that bonus.