The big question

I’m watching with excitement as my classmates are finishing up their studies this year and securing their first career posts as qualified nurses. It reminds me of how amazing it must feel to be going through these final stages of the transition after three years of hard work,  I cannot wait until it’s my turn for this.

All final year students feel a real sense of impending doom as they move into the realms of ‘its on you now’ nursing

But I’ve got some of my own issues that I have to take into consideration when It’s my turn to find a job.

Each time I have completed a placement in the past, I’ve come back to uni absolutely cream crackered and in desperate need of some down time. My personal life has suffered as I put so much into keeping my head above the water for my job, I don’t have the capacity for much else. But I’m happy with that.

However, when I secure myself my first nursing job in a year and a half’s time, the big question that’s been hovering over my head for five years will finally be answered.

Will Mikey look sexy in a qualified nurse’s uniform?

I already know the answer to this, I look like a chef in my uniform. Although it’s hard to digest I’ve come to terms with this realisation.

On a serious note, I guess what everyone else is focusing their energy on when they start their first posts as qualified nurses is making the right impression and building good rapport with their new colleagues.

Being a student nurse for 7 weeks at a time is something I’ve mastered

But it remains to be seen whether I can hold down a nursing job for the rest of my life. Hopefully my divorce will be complete by the time I qualify, but what about all the other not-so loving gifts life throws at us?

There is no way to answer this question until I see it for myself. This isn’t being a defeatist, it’s being realistic. I won’t give up on anything regarding my job, I’ll put myself through anything to qualify and maintain being a nurse. However, with this rationale comes the inevitable truth that other areas of my life will suffer massively, as they have done in the past and continue to.

Nursing is a sacrifice for anyone that takes it on

So I’m no different to anyone else. But I’ll echo what my dad said to me about this question a few months back: whatever problems you’ll have working as a nurse, I know you’ll find ways around them.

I’m fearless not because I don’t have fear, but because I feel fear and do it anyway.

And that’s all it is. I’m going to give it my best and I also know that I’ll find a way around any additional problems I face with the head injury. It’s funny because I think that saying you ‘believe’ in something  almost implies that it’s something you’re not certain of. People don’t say ‘I believe in the sun’, because they know it to be true. Although that might not be the case for people living in England, we don’t see the sun from one ‘summer’ to the next.

Truth doesn’t need an opinion, it is what it is. It can’t be changed, only discovered

The truth is simple: If other areas of my life become so severely affected by my drive to work as a qualified children’s nurse that it puts a real strain on my happiness: I’ll find a way around it. I don’t know the future, I only know that I really will jump off a bridge before I quit nursing. So yeah, the question lingers. But I feel like a snarling animal begging to be let off his lead and attack, because after 5 years of fighting I’m so ready to answer this question.




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