Time to do what’s right

At the beginning we all thought it would better for me to divulge my health condition to those I work with and be open about the challenges I face.

However, my experiences over the past 3 years; both inside the work arena and out, have shown me that when humans (many of them good humans, but not all) are exposed to your weaknesses, they use them against you and stop at nothing to see you fail.

It was at the end of my second year I realised the only negative comments staff ever gave to me was about my brain injury, even though none of the staff I worked with had come across it before or knew the symptoms.

Next year I will finally (hopefully) know whether I can survive financially for the rest of my life, after 5 long years of ugliness and fighting.

If I lose, I will be in financial turmoil for the rest of my life. The government have also recently decided to take my PIP away, the money that has kept me only just afloat over the years.

My health condition has not only mounted up enemies from all corners of the globe, but it has left me in a myriad of pitiful debt crises.

My divorce is now in it’s final stages, and it should hopefully be finalised by the time Reese starts school in September.

In two weeks time I will be starting work in neonatal intensive care. This will take me up until the new year where I will have one more shot at completing my final placement, which consists of 28 weeks as opposed to the usual 14.

Mikey, you have gotten this far on HALF the number of hours as everyone else.

Staff don’t like special considerations.

How can he be a nurse if he doesn’t even want to work our shifts?

My presence will be even more unprecedented when I arrive.

My exhaustion is as bad as ever

.. it’s gotten worse over time. If I make it to the new year for my final assessed placement, I would have been absent from a hospital ward for nearly a year.

The odds aren’t looking so good now

I have removed myself from facebook and un-followed my uni friends off of Instagram.

I hope they understand this is something I have to do, I need to do the rest of this journey alone. I’m just not strong enough to see them all qualify without me, this will be the third and hardest time, but I really do wish them well.

Whats your email address Mikey? Mw7e11? Wow you’ve been trying this for ages

I’m just ‘a student’ right?

We need to send you somewhere where they don’t know you

I exposed this issue with proof to my university in placement 5,  by telling no one about myself and having a glowing report. For the first time in three years: no mention of my brain injury, except from one staff member who knew.

Now, nobody can know the truth about me. Imagine that. Good things come from not telling people about your true self. Lonely isn’t the word.

I’m not complaining, but by telling people the truth about me I haven’t had a fair shake from the start.

It’s no one’s fault

It’s human nature to look for a problem if it might be there. I have no anger or bad feeling towards anyone, in fact I understand it. Please be grown up enough about this to understand where I’m coming from.

But now it’s different

No one will know about me. We will see at the end of this placement whether my claims have been true, or whether I have been making excuses. You can’t doubt the truth, only if you’re too scared to seek it.

The odds are weighed heavily against my chances of becoming a nurse more than ever now

By being courageous enough to set yourself free from an unfree society whilst adopting a compassionate and loving approach to all the challenges life throws at you, anything is possible. Even happiness.

All you need is to be yourself. With compassion being your drive in life, you’ll always be happy. It’s time to do what’s right, even if it is against the odds. Stay out of my way, because I’m coming for what they say I couldn’t have.

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