Feeling ‘Lonely’ is shit. ‘Aloneness’ is beautiful.

I have learned that living with a hidden health condition, whether that be from brain injury, chronic pain to mental health issues, can be lonely if you don’t learn to meditate over it.

Only YOU know

People forget, or they just don’t believe you. This is part and parcel of brain injury life, but it’s not exclusive solely to my condition, and there is a way around it.

The hardest part is spending less time with my daughter

That’s my biggest challenge with fatigue. Many of the nurse-parents out there will tell you that looking after children at work is a rest compared to looking after your own children.

img_7990

At work, we spend a few minutes with children at a time, usually during medical interventions or for communication of their care plan. It’s their parents who do all the hard work!

Each day I see her I dread saying goodbye to my daughter

It literally kills me. I can only really spend 4-5 hours at a push with her at a time. After hour two, my fatigue hits me like a freight train. On the weekend when I have her for longer, I have the support of my parents, it’s just too exhausting on my own!

Only I know this, nobody else can know.

IMG_3165

I posted this because this is the reality I live with everyday, but also because there is truth to the words of the person who said it. It’s true, I am a qualified children’s nurse, so why the difficulty with looking after my own daughter?

This blog isn’t for sympathy. There are probably millions of people who experience this everyday. It’s true when people say you can’t help feeling a bit guilty for your shortcomings when it comes to your kids, but I think this problem is as simple as this..

guilt.jpg

In fact, I’ve realised that whatever trait or emotion you possess or experience at any given time can be eradicated if you want it to be. But only if you know how to meditate.

Angry at someone who was rude to you? Drop it.

Feeling depressed? Drop it

Feeling lonely? (This used to be a biggie for me) Drop it.

Feeling anxious? Drop it.

Feeling scared? Drop it (I had the most practice with this one)

This probably sounds ridiculous to those who haven’t meditated, but it really is as simple as that.

By sitting down with your eyes closed and training the mind to witness your thoughts and then drop them each time, you can achieve anything you want to, because you CHOOSE what bothers you and what doesn’t

I choose to let nothing bother me. Life is too rich and short for that and I’m too busy soaking up what I can from each moment.

Meditation instead of medication

True, I’ve been practicing for some years now, but meditation is so powerful that the structure of the brain changes in as little as 8 weeks, which is handy for me, my brain is fucked.

When I’m let loose in public I often get a lot of funny looks from people about how blunt I am. The filter is better nowadays, but being true to myself is fundamental. If I was not true to myself I’d drive myself crazy ruminating over it!

Love it or hate it, I am never rude to people, just honest. But it’s true when I say that being so honest causes a lot more issues (primarily for other people) than it solves.

spade

I am not lonely. I am my own man, full of imperfections, but I try my best. There is a difference between feeling ‘lonely’ and ‘aloneness’. Aloneness has a beauty to it, because being alone is the perfect meditation.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s